"You are far worse than you realize, but in Jesus, you are far more loved then you could ever dare hope for." -Jack Miller
Why do I always have to say sorry first? Even when it’s not my fault?
That’s not happening anymore.
I’ve been reading about fungi and vertebrates for the past four hours, my head is about to burst (this is why I should never procrastinate). But, lately I’ve been so paranoid about where my life is heading, and what is going to happen in the future. I’ve become so dependent on myself, that I now automatically try to solve issues myself, which is the way it shouldn’t be. I’ve been slowly shoving God out of my life, but somehow He always seems to bring me back. I’m trying to decide myself what my future is going to be, when I know in the back of my mind, that my fate has already been decided, and that all I need to do is trust in Him. But it’s simply not that easy—not right now at least. But I am thankful that God has never forgotten about me, and I am eternally thankful for His grace and His mercy. I was re-watching part of a sermon, where the pastor is talking about how another pastor had passed a rose around, and by the time he had gotten it back, the petals were missing, the stem was broken, and overall, the rose just looked like a mess. “Who would ever want that rose? Who would want a rose that is so ugly, so filthy?” he said. “Jesus wants the rose!” It was a beautiful picture, having the rose symbolize us, filthy human beings, who were saved by Christ. Looking back on my life, I really am messed up. I’ve done things that I regret so much, and I’ve developed really bad habits, to the point where they don’t even seem like harmful things to me anymore. But even in those times, Christ seems to bring me back to Him, so that I can once again lean on Him for comfort, for support, for everything. Greater things have yet to come! God, thank You for loving me unconditionally, for saving me through Your son, and for bringing me back to You when I fail. I am sorry for failing you all the time, and for neglecting You. I am sorry for not standing up for my faith, and for giving in to the sinful desires of this world. But Lord, Your love always prevails, and Your grace truly is enough. Thank you.